Women tend to get a bit disagreeable surrounding issues of communication, selfishness and finance. As much as I love the fairer sex, there is little to like about a woman with a funky attitude. Of course, they say the same thing about men. Married life may be the best life, but alas it isn’t always the most fun.

That is perhaps one of the major differences between marriage and dating. When the fun goes out of a dating relationship or you discover that you are not getting out of it what you put in, you can simply leave. Marriage is structured to work exactly the opposite. You enter a marriage vowing to give whether you get anything in return or not. There is also no mention of fun in the marriage vows and I think this is for good reason. Fun was always a byproduct of marriage; it was never the point.

There is always the escape hatch of divorce and many avail themselves of it. However, the real steel of a marriage is forged in the conviction that the commitment is forever and can only be rescinded due to infidelity or abuse. Being selfish or a brat doesn't cut it. During our marriage, my wife has been both. But guess what? I have been mean and self centered so I guess that makes us even. All relationships, but marriage especially, tend to work better when we remember to take the plank out of our own eye. I am lucky that I have a wife that has gritted her teeth over the years and forgiven me my mistakes…or at least agreed not to bring them up very often.

When the hormones are screaming, or when the frustrations build up, we all say hurtful things to each other. The trick is not to internalize them lest we never love that person again. Thank God we usually know that 99% of it means nothing – words tumbling from some vulnerable spot of theirs that manages to brutalize our own vulnerable spot. We hurt because we often realize that there is often a kernel of truth in what is said for which we are indeed responsible. We also know that we too are capable of inflicting that same pain. And thankfully, most of the time we don't, which is the best we can hope for, and what we constantly strive for within the intimacy of our marriages.

Intimacy being the operative word and contrary to current cultural teaching, that doesn’t have a thing to do with sex. Intimacy means closeness and familiarity, which requires attention and communication. I am constantly amazed that women and men will actively share their bodies with each other and yet not be able to have an honest conversation.

Marriage, of course, is not a magic pill that will somehow cure that deficiency. If anything it will amplify it, which is why attention must be paid. A healthy sex life is important to a good marriage. However, those marriages that last are built not upon a foundation of libido, but friendship. These are couples that share thoughts, dreams, hopes and pains. They laugh and cry together and most of all they pray together.

Odd isn’t it that so many couples find it relatively easy to lay naked in the dark and speak to each other, but find baring themselves before God in front of their partner extremely difficult? After 13 years of marriage, there is not a bodily function my wife and I have not witnessed each other engaged in. When we pray together, however, I notice that we are often quiet afterwards, almost embarrassed. Lord knows we do not do it enough. The shyness will certainly disappear over time and the intimacy it builds can only enhance our sex lives.

That is where marriage gets fun. Sure, women would love to be wealthy. Who wouldn't? But I know that A) a Mercedes Benz does not fill a hole in the spirit and B) most women will dream of riches but be content with a man that treats her nice: hugs her at night, wipes her tears, rubs her feet and holds her hand even though they have been together since dirt was invented. That is all any of us really wants. If we have a little money to play with from time to time we are satisfied.

Funky attitudes are unavoidable in relationships in part because much of marriage is simply feeling our way through the darkness and that is scary. Perhaps if we discover more ways to walk together, we can find our way to the light.

Joseph C. Phillips is the author of “He Talk Like A White Boy” available wherever books are sold.