The Gantt Report - African American women and men oftentimes have so many relationship scars it is very difficult to believe in a healer.

When a good person comes along, the tendency is to believe the worst as opposed to the better.

In seeking a meaningful relationship, one cannot lose complete faith. However, when dealing with possibilities, you should always expect the unexpected.

Women, especially, tend to paint men with a broad brush. I’m sure at some time in your life you have heard a woman say, “All men are dogs!” or

“He ain’t no good!” or “You can’t trust him.”

The truth is that no two men, or women, are alike. Whatever way one guy is, the next guy will be different.

When things keep happening to you over and over again, you should first check yourself. Were you honest? Were you serious? Were you responsible? Were you dependable? Were you faithful?

When it comes time to evaluate what happened in a relationship, everyone’s deeds are their own deeds. Only God can judge and he judges on an individual basis.

If you don’t trust the person you relate to, don’t blame your partner. If you’re not willing to give love a try, don’t blame your partner. If you’re not willing to adjust, to compromise or to sacrifice, do not blame your partner.

If you can’t recognize a good person when you see them, how will you ever find someone that is good for you?

You may like the car, but what is important is the man in the car. You may like the house, but you still need to believe in the man in the house.

You make like the conversation or the communication, but it is important for you to like the person doing the communicating.

In the 21st century there are so many ways and so many places to find a mate. Is the church a better place than the club? Is Internet dating better than blind dating? Is going back to old lovers better than seeking new love?

I don’t know for you but when I get that special feeling I know it. I love to hear that person’s voice. I love to see that person’s face. I love to feel that person’s touch. I don’t care where God blesses me to come in contact with that person.

You never know when you will fall in love or with whom you will fall in love with. It just happens.

Very few of us find our true soul mate on the first relationship effort. And, most of us over 30 years of age have at one time or another been lied to, cheated on, disrespected and more by someone we cared about.

I am not perfect and I know no one that is but I do tell the truth on relationship and other matters.

I am just as scared of potential partners as they are afraid of me but I refuse to let my family, my friends or anyone else choose my companions.

I know my own poison and my own anecdote. I think about it and make my own relationship choices.

By the way, my two favorite places to meet what I consider good women are in banks and bookstores. Those places suggest to me that women there know the importance of money in a capitalist society and the importance of knowledge in a brain dead world.

Good luck in finding that special person for you in 2008. Have a very Happy New Year!

Lucius Gantt, The Gantt Report
www.allworldconsultants.net